THE RED LINE

THE RED LINE

Thursday, March 31, 2016

THE FIRST KISS -- #POETVERITAS




THE FIRST KISS

The beginning of spring, with the nighttime chill of winter's long goodbye in the evening wind
a star-filled sky, yet I can only see the smile on your beautiful face, upturned, expecting a kiss;

And I held you tightly, your coat pressed against my jacket, and I kissed you,
and I kissed you again, and while I knew it was time to leave, I wanted nothing but to kiss you and
to feel the rush of your femininity and hidden longing to complete my love-hungry circuitry;

The soft, sweet taste of your lips upon mine only made me want more connection;

Transported through the miracle of the experience, I was a teenager again,
loving everything about you, and lingering on your every sacred word,
loving you intently and intensely as a man loves a woman,
warming with loving desire,
and the whip of the cold wind only making this more desperately so.

-o0o-

 

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Saturday, March 26, 2016

BEAUTY IN UNEXPECTED PLACES -- #POETVERITAS





BEAUTY IN UNEXPECTED PLACES

Trying to force a poem to become written
is an assault to all of my standards and sensibilities...
Inspiration must strike me and ignite me with an insatiable need to reduce something to writing -
something that can initiate a far-reaching resonance.
 
While thinking this, I wandered (perhaps it was fate) into a coffee shop
and placed my order with a seemingly ordinary, very polite young lady.
As she readied my order, she turned her back to me and began quietly singing with the voice of an angel. Singing to herself, without self-conscious thought -- without any pretense.

As if she had suddenly become aware of her subconscious singing,
she turned to me and said, "Sorry about the voice, but at least the singing is free."

And I said to her, in my awe-struck state at this unexpected miracle,
and out of an instantaneous renewal of my faith in a benevolent Creator,

"No, miss. Your singing is not free. It is beautiful and priceless."

She blushed a true crimson and demurely thanked me.

And I thanked God over and over as I walked out of that coffee shop,
that unadorned house of worship and gratitude and miracles,
and looked upward into the early evening sky
and noticed the clear, clean brightness of the stars anew.

///////////////





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DECISIONS -- #POETVERITAS





DECISIONS

when i was younger
i made many decisions;
now i have found that
my decisions have made me -
and they shadow me,
exerting a force on me
which pushes my life
in a direction
not necessarily of 
my sacred free will.

many dreams ago
i thought that i ruled my life
but now i have seen
through the lens of perspective
that my fate was set
the very first day of days
that i decided.

-0-


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Sunday, March 20, 2016

SMALL LIVES -- #POETVERITAS


as children, living in a world of seemingly limitless possibilities,
of limitless opportunities, each of us dreamed of living a large life,
filled with grand achievements and noteworthy magnificence,
of recognition and great fame;

we dreamed that we were stars in movies that centered around us
as the main characters - that the Earth revolved around us;

with the passage of time, growing faster as we aged, limits found their way into our lives and our great notions of fortune and fame to come were subtly beaten down with the demands of pragmatism, and the pursuit of bliss that transcended the ever-encroaching ordinary became sadly secondary to the rigors of dwelling in the mundane;

of course there were a few stunning exceptions among the masses of our number -- those glorious few who realized great dreams and built large lives, filled with the things that allowed them to retain childhood's near-impossible magic and magnificence;

the rest of us, myself included, lived with cautiously-guarded dreams of greatness and fulfillment, never to be achieved in reality, but a haven and a harbor to resort to for shelter from what had become the harshness of lives that meant so little to anyone but ourselves. small lives.

and for every large life filled with its noteworthiness and impact there exists an inconsequential but staggering number of small lives which make too little difference except to those who have lived in them;

this vast cosmos of small lives will always be present as will the small number of exceptionally large lives;

i, too, dreamed large dreams -

i did not want this small life that i have let overcome and overwhelm me for reasons that perhaps i would understand in retrospect, if retrospect were my choice;

but it is not my choice to continue forward if only to find the many reasons that i have sabotaged what may have been a large life to live one of a myriad universe of small lives in its place;

i do not believe in karma or fate;

i believe in free will and failure, and the responsibility of each of us, myself included, to either reluctantly surrender to a pattern of losing or to fight the incredible odds which lead to living a large life.

I detest being a grain of sand on the beach instead of the mighty ocean. The thought of being another in a myriad of small lives is unbearable to those of us who cannot forget that they once had dreams of living in grand fashion.

-o0o-  

 

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Friday, March 18, 2016

WORDS UNSPOKEN -- #POETVERITAS





WORDS UNSPOKEN

we thrive on confirmation, reaffirmation, assurances and affection;
when words giving form to these deeply human needs
remain unspoken for any reason
the ensuing silence leaves limitless space for negative thought
and in the emptiness of these words unexpressed
there grows a spontaneous seed of wondering
which increases to self-doubt as as it is nourished in a watering of unresolved silence 
until the longing for words of comfort or of resolution becomes so overwhelming that it forces
us to either cry or die;
And the hundreds of time that i've said that i've loved you
only to be met with a perfunctory thank you or an untranslated nod of the head
tells me only that you've heard me but cannot reciprocate;
perhaps i am not worthy of your love -
perhaps you do love me but are afraid of the vulnerability that those words may open in you -
perhaps i am merely an afterthought -- unimportant in the business of your life -
yet these things seem somewhat smaller now as i reframe them against a backdrop or too much silence for far too long;
of too much not knowing;
and uncertain of what i mean to anyone and where i belong,
i feel some peace settling over me at last
as i settle warmly into a decision to stop waiting for an end to the dreaded silence
and for words that may never come
and to take myself out of this wondering and suffering.


-o0o-
 
 





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Sunday, March 13, 2016

SECRETS AND LIES -- #POETVERITAS



SECRETS AND LIES
 
days now streak by in a mad rush
while nights have become darker and longer
with time passing so slowly
that thinking,
and thinking about what i am thinking,
consume my consciousness
as they've commandeered what was once my own mind;
 
and my aching skull is an overcrowded vault
filled with kept secrets and
the ghostly shadows of lies.
 
this is what comes of deceit and denial
and of a life spun so wildly out of control
that it can no longer be reined in or harnessed or focused or at rest;
 
and thousands of echoing voices live where once
a single, simple truth had resided.
 
I try to scream out for help
in formulating some plan of escape from myself
but those who once listened
can no longer hear my plaintive entreaties
for they are lost in rapid-growing mazes and jungles
of their own
secrets and lies
and searching desperately for some way out.
 
-o0o-
 
 
 


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Saturday, March 5, 2016

Last Dance At Sunset -- #POETVERITAS

LAST DANCE AT SUNSET



the setting sun of late august,
a fireball in the evening sky
is slowly, majestically retreating
into a horizon of trees beyond count;
and i ask you only for one long slow dance
to the music of crickets, distant waves, and the traffic
on the highway far from our small clearing of flattened grass
here in these beautiful cedar woods;
please speak not, love of my life, my dream, my muse, my memory
as i embrace you and our hearts touch
and as we slowly, gracefully whirl in the evening
and i savor, to remember forever, the fragrance of jasmine
and sandalwood in your long, beautiful hair, and the scent 
of gentle honeysuckle at the nape of your neck;
and a tear slowly rolls down your cheek, as you realize
that moments like this very one can only be followed by loss;
our bodies move together so easily, so lovingly, as if one,
and yet, i know that this is the last dance at sunset
and that i shall not ever see another the like of it;
i have failed at all things but loving you -
i have fallen too far to stand as a man should stand -
you once called me a fallen angel, but i was just a devil given a chance to do good...
i have wrapped my life in a labyrinth of unsolvable complexities
and sins and transgressions - living a glorious lie...
but you are silent, my love, with a tear in your eye and a slight smile on your face, painted by the night, like an angel's,
and i clutch you closer as your soft, sweet lips meet mine
for one last smooth, warm time;
and we continue, wordlessly dancing in a sacred embrace
that i have taken as my last request, a request answered by a god
in whom i'd never before believed, who showed no judgment of me
in honoring my request for this one special assignation;
i think not of my death to come as i am obsessed with the
utter purity of your love as we sway to rhythms which we alone can
hear;
you whisper in my ear, so gently, like the touch of a butterfly
"please don't leave me," but i cannot lie one more time and i reply
"this is the last time i will ever leave you, my darling, my treasure";
and i know in that moment that it is the best one of my life,
and that i will take the memory of it to my very death -
in the morning, before the sun has quite come up i will be by myself, with this sweet memory in my mind as i lay in my hotel bed, chemicals rushing through my body and eliminating the pain
of facing another day in this world which i cannot seem to conquer;
but the fleeting visions that will breeze and whip through my miasma-riddled mind as my body tries to fight its termination will be of you and of me locked in a lovers' embrace, dancing together
at the last dance of sunset, and the last picture in my fading consciousness will be of you in the shadow of the setting august moon.
And when i am no more, i pray that you will forgive my cowardly retreat - but i have been here too long and have seen and done too much and i know that it is my time to leave this tormented life.

in my last breath, i am certain that i will quietly call out your name, my greatest love of all persons and things loved.

-o0o-
 

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