THE BIG LIE
My very existence is in small part fact and large part fiction -
I've created my own character and defensively polished it over the course of too many years -
And I live The Big Lie to the extent that I have lost all vision of the truth, wonder and clarity of childhood.
Being ensnared in The Big Lie leeches the remaining shards and threads of reality from my consciousness;
I've become the Lie - and all that was real evaporates and retreats into an elusive shadow memory in the smallest corner of nowhere.
Most frighteningly, The Big Lie has a demonic consciousness all its own...
and this demonic consciousness, this curse of apostasy and faithlessness, turns my every word and every gesture into an act in someone else's play,
all the time filling me with weighty feelings of guilt and shame.
The Big Lie speaks for me, and I have no reserve of free will to regain and restore who I might have been, had truth prevailed and held me securely in its sacred course. If only I had had the courage to let my soul (long since abandoned) shine through the need to conform to the opinions of others.
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