I cannot sleep. I am deliberately focusing upon the simple events of this summer's day.
The smell of the orange blossoms on the light, warm breeze...
The faint buzz of the dragonflies in the late afternoon sun.
Trying to remember every thing, both great and small, that touched and stirred my senses.
I cannot sleep. I am madly obsessed with my loneliness.
While I try to distract myself with the beauty of the day,
the Solitary Song cuts through the center of everything...
The Solitary Song that only I can hear, for there is no one to serenade;
no one with whom to share.
I look up at the ceiling, my arms folded behind my neck,
fingers cradled loosely,
while the Solitary Song plays over and over again inside of me -
a song unbidden and spontaneously composed by my heart,
beating its haunting melody to the cadence of my slowing pulse.
Neither theme, nor manifesto, nor dance... it is but an oddly beautiful dirge
to be shared with no one - a lonely bird's plaintive melody resonating in the hollows of my aching chest.
Where once I sang many songs, I now can hear but one,
and it is that which defies all attempts at singing. I have lost my voice, as I have lost my love.
And the Solitary Song, loud and lonely, is crying inside of me,
calling me to leave this world. Telling me that nothing remains for which I should stay.
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