Friday, March 18, 2016



we thrive on confirmation, reaffirmation, assurances and affection;
when words giving form to these deeply human needs
remain unspoken for any reason
the ensuing silence leaves limitless space for negative thought
and in the emptiness of these words unexpressed
there grows a spontaneous seed of wondering
which increases to self-doubt as as it is nourished in a watering of unresolved silence 
until the longing for words of comfort or of resolution becomes so overwhelming that it forces
us to either cry or die;
And the hundreds of time that i've said that i've loved you
only to be met with a perfunctory thank you or an untranslated nod of the head
tells me only that you've heard me but cannot reciprocate;
perhaps i am not worthy of your love -
perhaps you do love me but are afraid of the vulnerability that those words may open in you -
perhaps i am merely an afterthought -- unimportant in the business of your life -
yet these things seem somewhat smaller now as i reframe them against a backdrop or too much silence for far too long;
of too much not knowing;
and uncertain of what i mean to anyone and where i belong,
i feel some peace settling over me at last
as i settle warmly into a decision to stop waiting for an end to the dreaded silence
and for words that may never come
and to take myself out of this wondering and suffering.


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